My Journey from Discovery to Acceptance to Change
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Hope Through Authenticity

December 17, 2018
Dropping the Pain

“Memories begin to creep forward from hidden corners of your mind. Passing disappointments. Lost chances, and lost causes. Heartbreaks and pain and desolate, horrible loneliness. Sorrows you thought long forgotten mingle with still-fresh wounds. The stone [of memories] feels heavier in your hand. [But] When you drop it … you feel lighter. As though you […]

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October 8, 2018
Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back (and a comment from the husband)

The last two posts I have shared with you a problem that occurred while vacationing in paradise with my family (husband, daughter, son and future daughter-in-law). Basically, I got my feelings hurt in three ways (having breakfast alone every morning, my children not reading my novel, and my family playing without me). I used Tara […]

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September 17, 2018
Unhappy In Paradise: let it R.A.I.N.

Seventy-five degrees. Swaying palm trees. Heaven. Paradise. Free food, free drinks and even pool boys to deliver. Warm blue water. Paradise. Heaven. It’s 7:15AM and there I sat. The sunrise filtered through the trees and reflected off the pure white sand. The night before, my entire family laughed and teased and simply enjoyed each other. […]

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September 11, 2018
Mental Health and Alphabet Soup: My Journey to Accept & Transform

My Goal for Myself and This Blog Over the last month, I’ve been considering what I want to accomplish with this blog. Over the last two years, I’ve tried to show what life is like inside a bi-polar mind – the good and the bad. When I embarked on that writing plan, I had several […]

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February 19, 2018
The Pits

The first time was in eighth grade. The little bottles were arranged like soldiers. There were fourteen bottles -- one for every year of my life. I didn’t make that connection then but looking back that seems poetic or foreshadowing. The little red one I remember the most. It was the exact size and shape […]

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February 12, 2018
Dammit

I have purple hair. My husband wears a three-piece suit. We have a dragon for a pet. Our dragon – let’s call her Dammit – loves Oreos and has discovered coffee is quite tasty if it costs $5. Dammit rests on the precipice between an unruly toddler and an insufferable teenager. Give her the Oreos, […]

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January 1, 2018
Accept Yourself in 2018

This year, I will continue to write about my goals/ habits/ trials/ success/ anguish.  I will let you into a mind that suffers.   I’ll continue to crack myself open so that YOU feel safe to be who YOU are, feel what YOU feel, realize YOU are not alone, trust YOU are valuable just because […]

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December 31, 2017
When Nothing Works

This wave of despair started on Friday, December 1.  Today is December 31 and I have tried everything I know to alleviate the darkness.  I’ll dig out a few feet and then sink  deeper.  I’m pushing through my third wave of suicidal and self-harm thoughts and plans.  So alone.  So scared.  No one to talk […]

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November 27, 2017
Am I Stronger?

As I often do, I told a new acquaintance about my mental breakdown.  I don’t do this with everyone – only with people who I think may make a good friend, or who seem to “need it”, or maybe I tell because I want to excuse my erratic behavior.  This woman asked me if I […]

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  • Meet June

    June with Purple Hair

    In April 2012 I had a mental breakdown. The real thing. I have about 36 hours that I don’t remember....

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  • All of my novels, at least so far, have an element of mental illness within a character.  Decide to Hope is the most autobiographical in that I struggle in many ways exactly as the female protagonist. 
    - J.C.
  • Decide to Hope Cover: Woman walking along the beach at sunset - Decide to Hope cover by June A. Converse

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