June Converse

Thriving After Trauma - Author and Writing Coach

Offended By One...Appeased By Another

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.

Brene Brown

Recently, I received a message from a someone that ….

  • PISSED me off
  • HURT my feelings
  • Made me feel GUILTY
  • Stirred up RESENTMENT

My emotions swirled in that muck all evening. I showed my husband the message. What I WANTED him to do was jump to my defense. What HE DID was give me this line: “I’m sure she was just trying to be helpful. She didn’t mean to be critical.” What did that accomplish? My PISSED OFF meter rose higher and higher.

I knew if I responded, I’d make matters worse. I had to calm down first. I went to bed, tossed and turned. I woke up less angry but more hurt. Then, I went to lunch with a friend and I whined and whined and whined. (I probably should have paid for her lunch).

She didn’t jump to my defense either. Instead, she said exactly what I needed to hear. She asked me if this person was on MY LIST OF SIX.

My List of Six

Many months ago I watched a video with Brene Brown. In this video she pulled out her wallet and showed the interviewer a tiny piece of paper. On this piece of paper, she had the names of six people. Just SIX! She explained that when she began to get worked up by something someone said or did, she pulled out this list.

Her list contained the six people who mattered – who earned her trust, her confidence – the six people who would be honest with her in a spirit of love.

I’m not on her list of six. Therefore, she doesn’t really care what I think!

I have a list of six. It hangs on a board just inside my door. I see this list every day.

The person that offended me is NOT ON THE LIST. Therefore, I was able to quit fretting.

The List of Six is powerful. Create one. There’s no magic in the number six – maybe you have ten or four. But be careful – only put people who DESERVE your emotional energy. Carry it with you. Memorize it.

When you are upset about the way someone treated you, whip out the list. Has this person earned your energy? Has this person earned any rights in your life? If yes, then consider what they had to say. If not, then MOVE THE HECK ON.

I really should buy this friend lunch – she is, after all, on my list of six.

I think I might take the time to thank my List of Six this week.

Suggested Resource:

Brene Brown has some amazing resources. Check her out on YouTube or Ted.com. This is the link to her site: https://brenebrown.com


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June Converse with purple hair
Choosing to rebuild a life after a breakdown has been a challenge. I became an author and a blogger who openly shares...

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