Before you answer with an emphatic ‘no’, let’s look at all the ways one can lie:
I’m sure there are others but my guess is that you can find yourself somewhere in the list. My favorite type of lie is exaggeration. I’ve talked to my therapist about this on several occasions and I still can’t figure out why I do it.
Who am I trying to impress anyway?
I read a profound sentence yesterday:
“’When you lie, it makes you feel in charge of your life.’”Cider House Rules by John Irving
Holy cow – that explains it perfectly, doesn’t it? Lies make us feel powerful (and then guilty). When we lie we get a bit of control over what people think or know about us. We get to alter their opinion. Let’s take this a step further, a bit deeper….
My most recent lie … I told my husband that I didn’t want to go out to dinner. I added to that by saying I wanted to save money.
Don’t I sound so virtuous? I realize that’s a “minor” lie in the scheme of things but I want to illustrate my point.
What was I trying to do? What opinion was I trying to control?
I’ve been married to him for 25 years. Doesn’t all of that seem silly? Dave likes to go out to dinner. Seems even sillier.
Why do we need to alter someone’s perception of us? How can we happy with our authenticity? I think one of the first ways to answer that is to notice your lies – what is your true motivation? What part of your authentic self were you trying to hide?
So, I know what my lies are and some of my motivations. But what was I trying to hide about myself. I came up with these possibilities:
With these honest admissions, I can lean more into my authenticity, becoming more comfortable with the truth of who I am.
I cooked dinner and it was yummy (and cheap).
Dave is my editor – so he’ll be reading this – ugh, that makes it all even harder to admit! My vulnerability is showing.
In April 2012 I had a mental breakdown. The real thing. I have about 36 hours that I don’t remember....