If you read my blog on December 31, you’ll know that I was in a pit that was very deep and very wide. I was scared. I want to tell you how I climbed out and I want you to know that I’m crying as I write this.
When I wrote that blog, I told no one – not even Dave. I didn’t announce it on my FB account. I just sent it into the ether not expecting it to be read or noticed. A few people did read it and a few of these souls reached out. You know who you are and your concern and willingness to enter my vulnerability was a ladder into the pit. But, what helped me to climb that ladder was my brother.
I wouldn’t say I’m close to my brother. I wouldn’t say I’m distant either. There is no animosity, no lingering “issues from the past.” For most of my adult life, he lived in another state. He’s known bits and pieces of my struggles but we’ve never acknowledged them. That’s how my family operates. I have one of those families that doesn’t hug or say “I love you.” In my family, everything is always “fine”. That was our training.
So, imagine my surprise when Dave climbed in to bed and mentioned the blog. When I asked him how he knew, he said, “Skip called me. He was worried. He reads your blog every week and he wanted to be sure you were okay.”
Now my tears are flowing. I honestly thought my brother hated me or at least find me only tolerable. Learning that he cares about me in the best way we ever learned gave me the courage to step onto the first rung of that ladder and begin to climb.
My brother and I will never discuss this – that would likely kill us both (smile) … but, I’m hoping that he’ll read this blog and know how much I appreciate his hand extending my direction.
Thank you, Skip – and I love you too.
In April 2012 I had a mental breakdown. The real thing. I have about 36 hours that I don’t remember....